I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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