we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.