She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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