in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk