Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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