I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
