i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
