everyone is single if you try hard enough
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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