the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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