Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
