It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
