oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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