I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
