At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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