Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
