Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
