took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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