so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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