That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
