We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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