I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
