I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
