I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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