Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
