I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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