And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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