dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
