hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
