This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
