just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
