Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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