You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
