She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
