why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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