I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
