Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm passing your future prison.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
