I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
