It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We talked him into tasing himself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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