im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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