I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
