I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!