Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.