I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....