I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.