well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
