just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
