i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
please come you make the beer taste better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize