Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
