Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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