walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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