But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize