mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she peed on how many people?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
