I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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