Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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