she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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