Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize