We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
