I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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