Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want her autograph on my taint
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize