Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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