Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
