Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
