I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
