bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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