Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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