I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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