at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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