is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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